What exactly is this blog post? I’m not quite sure. Perhaps it’s a collection of thoughts of mine that have not become such a speech that I can write an entire blog post about one concept. But I am an introvert, and I am creative, and I am artistic, and I am a Christian. And these are the things I’ve written about.
I don’t talk very much. When socializing, I prefer to be with one person at a time. Social settings are simply not my thing. I don’t like to be in a room full of people that I’m expected to attempt to make conversation with. There is one friend of mine that I used to hang out with weekly. We had long conversations about many topics. When he invited me to hang out with his other friends, I did so, but I probably spoke about twenty words within those two hours. I simply didn’t find it necessary to insert shallow words into a random conversation. He mentioned later that he forgot I was even there. I concluded that that was not my comfort place. I like to be quiet. I like my words to carry meaning. I am okay with being silent until someone wants to speak with me.
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My boyfriend and I had a debate about coffee. His point was that coffee isn’t even worth debating (which was why he soon forfeited the debate), but I said some profound things. I pointed out that it wasn’t the physical beverage of coffee and sugar and cream that I appreciated so much, but rather the whole artistic world that it represents. You see, coffee is associated with watching sunrises on a chilly morning, and editing photos on my laptop, and reading a book in bed. I rarely go to a coffee shop for coffee. In fact, if I invite a friend to “go for coffee,” I am likely going to order a chai tea latte or a caramel Frappuccino. And I’ll probably eat an oatmeal cookie or a slice of cheesecake. I didn’t drink coffee at any point, and that’s because “coffee” is a relative term, representative of artistic and introverted activities. I feel like I’m making perfect sense, and that I’m not the only one who feels this way. I don’t start my morning with coffee so that the caffeine can wake me up. I start my morning with coffee so that I can wrap my hands around a warm cup and cover my legs with a blanket while I’m wearing pajamas and think, “This is wonderful. I think today shall be a good day.” And that’s a good attitude to start the day with, as opposed to stumbling into the bathroom, still squinting. Agreed? Okay, good.
I have bad days, of course. And I have had some days that are simply… terrible. So terrible, I can’t even. When this happens, I panic. I over evaluate everything. I recognize that the rest of my life will be miserable and disorganized and I’ll never restore what I lost. I am sometimes that dramatic, honestly. Not often, okay?
What do I do when that happens? I have to talk myself through it. I have to tell myself it doesn’t matter. And that’s such a miniscule that shouldn’t even be able to help me, at all. But it does. I have to tell myself that I’ll find a way through it, that I have previously been able to do this same thing, and that this is tiny and insignificant in comparison to larger things. And then I make tea. And I sit on a couch and drink hot tea, and maybe cry a few tears. And then I carry on with life. And soon enough, before the day is over, I have either moved on or the issue has been resolved. I simply communicate with myself until it’s over.
Similarly, when I’m in a terrible mood, I will experience within six minutes all the upsetness that anyone else can feel within two years. And I automatically pick up my phone and text a friend about how miserable I am. Such a bad habit! And so embarrassing. And in the morning, I’ll regret whatever I said to that friend. So I’ve found a way to replace that terrible habit. Whenever I feel upset, I’ll pick up my phone and text my friend to ask them how they’re doing, or to mention something that I know they like talking about. I focus entirely on them, instead of on myself. When I feel like saying, “Life sucks” or “I’m in a bad mood, okay?”, I’ll rather tell my friend that I started watching that Netflix series they recommended. It takes my focus entirely off my own pathetic problems, and by giving my attention to someone else, I’ll soon feel better.
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This year, I started listening to God. Last year, I only technically passed for a Christian. But I couldn’t have claimed to be living like one. Now, I can be proud of the progress I’m making, and I am excited to continue pursuing a relationship with God. There’s this very common fear among Christians, the teenagers as much as the adults. It’s the fear of how much we’re going to have to give up for God. We fear what dramatic sacrifices he’s going to ask us to make, what he’s going to take away and what he’s going to replace it with, and what he’s going to ask of us. Like C. S. Lewis said, “We’re not concerned that God doesn’t have the best in mind for us. We’re worried about how painful the best will be.” That may be the hugest thing that we have to overcome. But once you’re past that, it’s wonderful how free you are! God did, in fact, scare me a few times, such as the time he asked me to step on stage and speak to my youth group. I really didn’t want to. I’m isolated enough as it is; I don’t like to socialize with groups of people. But then to have everyone’s eyes on me and their full attention on every word I said… seemed far too much. But I trusted that God would give me the strength to do it and to do it well, because he had asked this of me. And it went well! I received such positive feedback from many people! I was told that I “looked calm and comfortable,” that my speech was “well prepared,” that they were inspired. I was, and am, so incredibly thankful for that, and that’s just one example of how wonderful and fulfilling and secure life is when I allow God to take control of it. Also, as the Bible claims that God will “bring things to your remembrance,” so Scripture has been coming to my mind in the exact situation when I, or a friend of mine, need it most.
I love early mornings, honestly. I like to be up before the sun is. When I wake up at 5:00 A.M., I can get many things done before the day begins. At 7:00 A.M., I meet with my family at the table for breakfast, but within those other two hours, I can work out, shower, practice a monologue for speech class, and make my breakfast. It’s so convenient to wake up that early and get many things done in advance, and I like the silence. I like the silence when no one is singing loudly or playing the keyboard or calling for me to help them. I like being the only one awake. When I’m done doing several things early in the morning, I get to watch the sunrise while drinking coffee, and that’s a pretty wonderful way to start the morning.
I like doing coffee dates. That’s my preferred method of hanging out with friends. When a friend is visiting my area for two days, I’ll ask to meet them at Mi Encanto. Mi Encanto is my favorite coffee shop to visit. It’s comfortable and Paris-themed and maybe a bit elegant. Their menu is full of coffee-related drinks and sandwiches and crepes. The first time I tried their crepes, I ordered the combo of Oreo and sweetened condensed milk, and have not since then ordered any other flavor combo. Because that one is too perfect. I melt every time. They have the most wonderful ice creams: they remove the fruit of a pineapple, mix it with ice cream, and place it back into the pineapple shell before serving, and they do this with a few different fruits. You understand now why I love coffee shops, and love meeting with a person here? Okay, good.
I rather like who I am becoming. Within the last six months, I have become both more confident and more certain of things. I think powerful thoughts that get me through a rough day. I believe in certain concepts and ideas that I live by, and I care less about what people think of my appearance. I believe in myself, and take on some more difficult projects. There is always room to grow, of course, but I like what God has done with me. I’m getting there.
I hope you can relate to some of these introverted thoughts. Thanks for reading about my quiet self.